26 weeks and counting...
Imagine your child is sick, hurt, sad or any combination of these, and you merely look him in the eye and say, “I’m sorry, honey, I can’t help you”.
Or worse yet, listen in agony as your child cries or even screams your name, all the while remain in your well-worn spot and instead wait patiently as someone else attempts to placate this void in his little life.
Welcome to the wonder that is bed rest.
Jack’s general health has been quite up and down this spring. As a result, his sleep, appetite and usual routine have been extremely disrupted and he has missed nearly half the daycare we have paid for - side issue. All of the above has ramped up his insecurity and he seems to be experiencing heightened separation anxiety from Chris and me. Which has recently resulted in expulsion from daycare, which again, is a side issue.
Chris has had to fulfill not just his own parental role but two because, let’s face it, I’m pretty useless at this point. I can’t discipline him, or if I try I can’t follow through. He merely looks at me and taunts from across the room, as he knows I am not likely to get up to address his touching the computer, programming the VCR or attempting to climb out the window. (I would, of course, stop the plummet from our second story and mitigate this by keeping all windows closed when he is around plus I bark very clearly when he does go anywhere near one. But I am probably as effective as a Shitsu…)
Twenty-six weeks has brought me 2 weeks closer to 34 when I will be able to fully be present, as opposed to vacant, for my son. All day long I snap back and forth between multi-media designed to suck time away and my actual reality that seems to stand perfectly immobile. This slingshot ride is wearing thin. I do not begrudge being home with my Jack but when he needs me and I can’t deliver, when I can’t interact with him the best way I know how, I sometimes wonder if I would be better off floating in a self-induced media coma in a hospital bed waiting this whole thing out. For the moment though, I still have a choice and with that choice I choose home.
Or worse yet, listen in agony as your child cries or even screams your name, all the while remain in your well-worn spot and instead wait patiently as someone else attempts to placate this void in his little life.
Welcome to the wonder that is bed rest.
Jack’s general health has been quite up and down this spring. As a result, his sleep, appetite and usual routine have been extremely disrupted and he has missed nearly half the daycare we have paid for - side issue. All of the above has ramped up his insecurity and he seems to be experiencing heightened separation anxiety from Chris and me. Which has recently resulted in expulsion from daycare, which again, is a side issue.
Chris has had to fulfill not just his own parental role but two because, let’s face it, I’m pretty useless at this point. I can’t discipline him, or if I try I can’t follow through. He merely looks at me and taunts from across the room, as he knows I am not likely to get up to address his touching the computer, programming the VCR or attempting to climb out the window. (I would, of course, stop the plummet from our second story and mitigate this by keeping all windows closed when he is around plus I bark very clearly when he does go anywhere near one. But I am probably as effective as a Shitsu…)
Twenty-six weeks has brought me 2 weeks closer to 34 when I will be able to fully be present, as opposed to vacant, for my son. All day long I snap back and forth between multi-media designed to suck time away and my actual reality that seems to stand perfectly immobile. This slingshot ride is wearing thin. I do not begrudge being home with my Jack but when he needs me and I can’t deliver, when I can’t interact with him the best way I know how, I sometimes wonder if I would be better off floating in a self-induced media coma in a hospital bed waiting this whole thing out. For the moment though, I still have a choice and with that choice I choose home.
posted by The Wilsons at 3:56 PM
2 Comments:
Hang in there!! I have been thinking about you and praying for that bambino to stay put for awhile longer!! Good luck with Jack...he's two!!! Keep us posted!!
Cheryl, I can't even imagine how tough that must be but remember that just your presence there for Jack is a HUGE thing for him. You are doing alot for both of your children and they are very lucky to have such a great mom.
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